And Nothing Shall Offend Them

Amy Nelson
Sister Embree
10 Feb 2010
Comm150

"And Nothing Shall Offend Them" link:  http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-646-32,00.html

This is seriously another one of my favorite talks. I remember when it was given. I remember reading this talk with many less-active people I taught on my mission (most of which had stopped coming to church because of being offended, like Elder Bednar said). I think the reason I love this talk so much is because it’s very true and hits a deep chord in everyone, because really, who hasn’t ever been offended?

I like that he says that being offended is a choice. “When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.” This reminds me of our class discussion about whether or not it’s possible to control our emotions. I agree that it’s definitely a choice, and while we may not be able to control certain aspects of emotion, such as the stimulus or the physical reaction, and even if we choose to allow our minds to succumb to the normal expected response in our brain, we do not have to react outwardly in the ‘expected’ way.


Along with this, Elder Bednar states: “Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon. To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation.” I think this goes along with controlling our thoughts. If we can control our thoughts, we can control our actions. If we can learn to give people the benefit of the doubt with their own actions, learning to not be easily offended or provoked, we can better control the way we react to them.


I remember a youth leader telling me a story about road rage. She realized she had a problem with road rage after getting in a car accident, and decided it was something she needed to work on. She decided that the problem was in how she thought about people who cut her off or were weaving in and out of traffic, so she decided to think about them differently. Now, whenever she gets cut off or is being tailed by someone, instead of getting all upset and angry she just thinks to herself “they must be late for a stake leadership meeting” or “maybe they’re on their way to the hospital where their grandma is dying” or something like that. In this way she is able to control the rage she felt at people driving irresponsibly on the road, and it helped keep her calm and be more understanding of other people’s mistakes/shortcomings with driving. I think we can do the same with the way we think about people in everyday life. For example, just today my roommate was offended and angry with someone in the advising center because they got really upset and yelled at her. Instead of thinking badly about them, or thinking that they must really have a problem and they’re just a mean person, she could just think “maybe she’s just having a bad day” or “perhaps she forgot to eat breakfast this morning” or “maybe she just really doesn’t like her job”. I think if we use this way of thinking we will become more understanding about other people and not be so quick to judge and become offended or hurt or whatever else because someone else was too quick to speak or wasn’t thinking about what they were saying or the way they were saying it.


Thinking back to our class discussion again, I’ve been thinking about the control thing. Is it really possible to have complete 100% control over our thoughts, the cognitive reaction to emotion? Really? And if it is (which we decided in class that yes, it really is) could we ever have the self-control and mastery it would take in this life to keep that control 100% of the time? Have I ever kept complete control over my cognitive response to my emotions over an extended period of time? For just 10 minutes? After thinking about this, and reading this talk and realizing how far I have to come in this area, it seems a bit daunting and kind of impossible. But then Elder Bednar gives this reassuring statement: “The capacity to conquer offense may seem beyond our reach. This capability, however, is not reserved for or restricted to prominent leaders in the Church like Brigham Young. The very nature of the Redeemer's Atonement and the purpose of the restored Church are intended to help us receive precisely this kind of spiritual strength.” I hadn’t really thought about that before, how “the very nature of the Redeemer’s Atonement and the purpose of the restored Church are intended to help us receive precisely this kind of spiritual strength”, the strength to conquer offense, the strength to have control over our emotions and our reactions to them. I suppose this is part of the enabling power of the Atonement, that it facilitates our growth in this area of our mortal lives.


Do you think Heavenly Father has complete control over His emotions? Obviously since He is all-knowing and powerful I’m pretty sure He does. But I guess that’s part of our journey here in mortality, the task we have of learning to control these wonderful bodies we’ve been given. The huge undertaking of learning self-control is a part of our learning to become more like our Father in Heaven. Will we still have to work at controlling our emotions in the Spirit World before the Resurrection when we don’t have bodies, or is this just a mortality thing, part of mastering our bodies? After we’re resurrected and we’re perfected, glorified beings, will we have to work at this at all, or will we just be so amazing it will come natural to us? Or is this skill we’re developing now going to be the same one we’re going to keep in the afterlife? I am very grateful for this chance we all have here in this life to learn how to control our emotions, to choose how we will react in our quest to become more like our Heavenly Father.