Amy Nelson
Sister Embree
Comm150
17 March 2010
Listening Challenge
For my subject of intense listening experimental challenge I chose one of my roommates (the one who is also my cousin/friend). I have to say, this was an extremely difficult challenge for me. It was difficult to remember to remind myself to actually listen in the moments when I was with her. It was difficult to not jump in and comment on things she was saying. It was difficult to completely pay attention and not space off thinking about other things (such as the time, how many things I have to do today, etc.), difficult to not be a peanut gallery, difficult to not make the conversation about me. It’s true that listening really is an active process that takes a great deal of effort (and time).
I tried hard to implement the listening tips we talked about in class and from that listening movie, especially the ones I have major struggles with. Responding automatically is a huge one I’ve been working on. I tend to get distracted easily when people are talking to me, by things and people around me, especially when I’m in a busy place. I think the advice to “tune into your listening problems” was one of the most important things for me from that listening video we watched. If I can tune into the listening problems I struggle with specifically, I can listen better. Also, to “commit to the time”, which is many times a problem for me, since I always feel like I’m busy.
So as I was trying to find opportunities to be a good listener with this roommate, I ended up doing this challenge with all five of my roommates unconsciously. I do feel like our relationships have improved, and I don’t feel so discouraged about my incredibly awful listening skills because I know I can change them! So my listening skills are slowly improving. It was hard to find good listening opportunities, because all of our schedules don’t always match up, and we’re only all together maybe for like 15 minutes every night when we get together for family prayer. So I had to take advantage of those 5 minute moments during the day when I was with one of them. Most of my listening moments were very brief, which I guess is okay.
One good moment I will share happened the day after I started the challenge (I was super excited to try out my newfound listening knowledge on living specimens!). My roommate came home from school in a frustrated frenzy telling me a story about a crazy incident in her accounting class that morning and how insaneher teacher was. I first remembered I was supposed to listen to her (way to go, right?), and then I responded appropriately, giving her all my good nonverbal communication listening skills of body language, eye contact, etc. I shut my computer so I wouldn’t be distracted, and then tried to actually listen, instead of think about my response or a similar incident that happened to me. It was so hard (though I think I somewhat succeeded), and I was tired and hungry when she left, but I felt awesome. I knew she didn’t want me to tell her it would be fine (I really detest when people do that to me when I’m frustrated, because I want them to agree with me, to validate my feelings of irritation), so I told her things like “wow that really stinks”, or, “no way, I can’t believe that happened!”. I hope she felt listened to and validated. So doing this all week/weekend was super hard, mostly to remember and make time to listen. Some of my listening moments came at night when my room-roommate and I usually chat for like an hour before we end up falling asleep. In those moments I couldn’t show body language or anything because the lights were off. So I had to show I was listening through tone of voice and my responses, which was hard.
After this challenge was over I made a discovery about myself: I like listening to people! I like hearing about what’s happening with them, how they feel about life, etc. One thing: I’m a time freak. I’m always trying to do a million things at once, even when it’s not very productive. Because I’m this way I always feel busy, hence, I think in my brain that everyone else is always pressed for time just like me. I’m always worried that I’m keeping someone from something important when I talk to them and they take the time to listen to me. I’m always afraid they have something more important they could and should be doing. I don’t like being an inconvenience to people, but I don’t want people to feel the same about me, that they’d be inconveniencing me by talking or like they’re forcing me listen to them. And I don’t want to think of people as an inconvenience because I’m too busy with my life. I want to continue this challenge, and even as I’m writing this I had to stop a few times and try to practice good listening skills with another roommate. Brother Embree told us we shouldn’t think of this as an assignment, but to do it because we want to. I do want people to feel like they can come talk to me about anything and that I’ll listen without judgment and without making them feel like they’re a nuisance. So this is a listening challenge for forever!
